Since the days of the Caesars man has communicated in code. Nero (?) was the first that we know of to employ a simple rotation algorithm to his secret messages…and now ROT-13 is one of the most basic encryption schemes in the face of the planet. Still, independent of cryptographical studies, certain strata of society communicate employing various obfuscational techniques to render their communiques illegible to the common observer. (Yes, it took a while to come up with that statement.) Such is the case with an email chain between me, my coworker, and our boss, who has been involved in technology for quite some time. It all started with a Linux twist on everyone’s favorite video game meme: All Your Base.

Fred:

chown -R us:us ~\base

Why Fred copied everyone on what was, up until that point, a serious discussion is beyond me. Though it was getting close to the end of the day, and I guess he needed to unwind. So I replied with another favorite:

mounty:

b{2}|^bb

What Regex Shakespeare has to do with anything, I don’t really know. My boss, though, was not to be outdone:

boss:

Program Career_Change;
Uses System, Crt, Unmitigated_Gall;

Var
    Apologies : Integer;
{*******************************************}
Procedure Update_Resume;
Begin
    Get_out_Paper;
    Get_out_Crayon;
    Make_up_Stuff;
End;
{*******************************************}
Procedure Say_Goodbyes;
Var
    Speak : Longint;
Begin
    For Speak := 1 to 40 do
        Begin
            Writeln(’Goodbye!!!!!’);
        End;
End;
{*******************************************}
Begin

    Meet_with_the_Boss;
    Apologies := 0;
    Repeat
        Inc(Apologies);
        Writeln(’Sooorrrrieee!);
    Until Apologies = 40;
    Update_Resume;
    Say_Goodbyes;
End.

FTW. Bonus points to whoever can identify the language - It looks pre-C…kinda reminds me of Pascal, but then I never took a course in it so I’m not sure.

Oh, and finally, my apology:

<?php
    $apology = “I will not make the boss mad.”;
    for ($i=1; $i<=100; $i++) {
        echo “$i: $apology\n”;
    }
?>

German’s a fun language. It’s got all sorts of harsh sounds that are (for the most part) actually very easy to spit out. That’s the key - you just gotta fire the words out like you’ve got a hairball or something. So I’m at work this afternoon, listening to J.S. Bach’s cantata BWV 80, Ein feste Burg ist unser Gott. The English words are, let’s face it, a little clunky. It is, after all, an English translation that is trying to catch both the meaning and the metrics of the original German. (Remind you of any other translation discussions?) The fifth movement, which is the second full chorus movement, has a particularly sturdy text:

Und wenn die Welt voll Teufel waer
Und wollten uns verschlingen,
So fuerchten wir uns nicht so sehr,
Es soll uns doch gelingen.
Der Fuerst dieser Welt,
Wie saur er sich stellt;
Tut er uns doch nicht,
Das macht, er ist gericht’t,
Ein Woertlein kann ihn faellen.

In English: the whole thing.

As a singer, I have to say that singing along at my desk was one of the little joys today. The second line is particularly fun to spit out. Remember that the “w” is pronounced as a “v” and that the “v” is pronounced as an “f.” Also remember that most two-vowel combinations just tend to glide off the tongue - “fuerchten” (third line) is pronounced “FEAR-hten” with the “fear” pronounced with a bit of a snarl and the “h” as in “human.”

Enjoy your pronunciation and remember to wipe off your monitor and keyboard when you’re through, especially if you’re not at your computer. Eww…

I was chatting with a co-worker today and made a bleak discovery. Those who know me know that I tend to err on the cynical side, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Cynicism is simply trusting human nature/entropy to do its thing without expecting things to turn out any better. It’s a recognition that things are never so bad that they can’t get worse. It’s the cloud inside the silver lining. It is, according to a Non Sequitur cartoon I wish I could find online, why cynics outlive optimists.

So my co-worker asked me if I wasn’t more cynical than pessimistic, and that’s when it hit me - for the cynic, pessimism is the realization that you’re always right. (This is, by the way, a new original quote that will randomly appear in the above banner.) I (and others) have often said that cynics, for as much fun as they aren’t to be around, usually aren’t surprised by anything because things usually happen about as badly as they expect. To put a positive spin on it, things can only go up from here! Cynicism is past-tense: I told you things would be a mess. Pessimism is the future tense of cynicism: I can already tell things are going to be a mess.

I hope I’ve livened up your day. Remember, it is as bad as you think, if not worse, and they really are out to get you.

Ever since the dawn of civilization, man has uniquely triumphed over nature, subjecting it to the tools of his own creation to make it do what he wishes. One modern miracle stands as a testament to man’s unrelenting pursuit of mastery over nature: Spam (be sure to turn your speakers on before clicking).
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Today I had the joy to watch Ping Ngian, a good friend of mine, and Melanie get married at Mount Calvary. We here at mounty’s corner want to wish them all the best. I didn’t know Melanie that well, but Ping and I were freshman at BJ in the same year. He had just gotten out of military service in Singapore (required of all males over 18) and came to BJ. He missed society rush, so he just asked someone, “What society should I join?” The answer was: Z. So he did, and the rest is history. I was in Concert Choir and Chorale with Ping over the years, too. After their honeymoon in Colorado Springs, Ping and Melanie plan to return to Singapore where Ping will be pastoring a church there. Pictures will (eventually) be at Dave Miles’ gallery.
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