This evening, something happened that left me fairly depressed. Now, cynics don’t typically get depressed, because they expect failure. But it’s been known to happen that a cynic will get depressed from time to time. Anyway, this thing happened, and I remarked to myself, “Mount, you’re a Grade ‘A’ Loser. You know that?”

“Yeah,” I replied, “pretty much.”

Moment of silence as we both contemplate the inedible Salisbury Steak on our dinner tray.

Chipper Me: “So…why should you care [about what happened]?”

Morose Me: “Um…no reason. I just, uh…”

Chipper Me (realizing that he may win his first argument in several years): “Then don’t! I’ll bet that, if you don’t care, you won’t feel bad anymore.”

Morose Me: Uh, well…yeah, that makes sense. All right - I don’t care!”

Chipper Me: “Feel better?”

Formerly Morose Me: “Yeah! Hey, that worked pretty well! Thanks!”

Moral of the story: No matter how you toss the dice, never underestimate the laziness of losers who don’t care.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m in the process of redesigning this site. Some of you locals have seen proofs-of-concept, but you ain’t seen the whole package yet. In writing this code, however, I’ve been forced to read up on standards compliance.

The W3 Consortium (site), or World Wide Web Consortium (W3 is definitely easier on the mouth) is in charge of creating standards for interpretation of webpages. At its core, a webpage is nothing more than a text file with the actual textual content of what you see wrapped inside a set of “tags” - special codes placed in greater-than/less-than symbols. Those codes tell a website how to interpret what’s inside those codes. So to show something as bold, I can wrap text inside a set of <strong> tags, and it’ll look like this.

Simple enough, you say. The problem is that not every browser reads those tags the same way. More problematic is this thing we call Cascading Style Sheets, or CSS. The movement is to remove any formatting-related tags from the actual web document that you see on the screen, placing those formatting things inside a style sheet that tells the webpage how to display the content. The strong advantage of this is that I can have multiple style sheets for any given web document, making the same content appear radically different. The downside is that CSS is a new enough technology that not everyone interprets it the same way. The major players on the browser scene are Mozilla Firefox, Internet Explorer, and Opera. Going deeper we see that even within product lines, the standards are different. Firefox 1.0.7 renders a page different from Firefox 1.5.0.3, as I found out this afternoon. Internet Explorer 5.5 renders things different from IE 6, which is again different from IE 7. Opera 4, 5, and 7 are all different, too.

This presents a problem for developers. Specifically, if I use a formatting technique in my browser that eliminates, say, the left margin of a particular piece of HTML, it won’t show up correctly on others. This afternoon I found that IE 6, Opera 8, and Firefox 1.0.7 all have a built-in margin for lists - 15 pixels indented from the rest of the text. If I tell my style sheet that the left margin of a list is 0 pixels, those three will shove the list over so that it lines up on the left with the text above it. But I have to give a margin of -15 pixels to Firefox 1.5+ to accomplish the same task. Oh, and the trick for getting IE and Firefox to do it doesn’t work with Opera, which requires a third declaration to get it to play nice. Otherwise Opera will shove it 15 pixels to the left of the text above it, which puts it in the way of other text beside it.

That’s where the W3C folks come in. Some of the biggest geeks on the planet get together and determine how a properly-formatted and properly-created website should look. Then they write all the browser manufacturers and tell them how to write their browser’s rendering engine. Trouble is you have folks like our friends in Redmond who don’t let anyone tell them what to do. Consequently IE has been a thorn in the side of web developers for eons. Then you have Opera, which apparently is trying to walk the line and please everyone. Consequently Opera may or may not work right, and what may or may not work will probably change between versions. And, yes, the Mozilla Foundation is not immune to my vitriol, because they keep changing to accommodate bleeding-edge technologies…which is nice, but sometimes bleeding-edge stuff interferes with other standard stuff. I’m particularly bugged because they changed their rendering engine to a more IE-like engine between 1.0.x and 1.5.x.

If you want to know more, you can google things like “border box model,” “css hacks,” and “quirks mode.” The explanations you’ll find are in some cases helpful and in some cases very dense reading material that you might not want to wade through. But take comfort that life was not always so hard. I remember the very first website I designed. I was in 10th grade…maybe. It was somewhere around there. I signed up for an email account (I was one of the first in my school!) and shortly thereafter picked up my own Geocities page. Back then, you were assigned a number, and you could choose “neighborhoods” for your page to live in. The neighborhood names were pseudo-clever categories that helped people who might randomly stumble on your site from an AltaVista search (AltaVista being the Google of the mid-90s) figure out what content you had. So I used Geocities’ home page builder, an absolutely stunningly bad HTML-based webpage creator. (Remember - no Java back then.) I was pretty proud of my creation, though I shudder now to think what it must have looked like. I remember I was serving up sound files from various Star Trek shows - mostly sound files that I had downloaded and re-uploaded to my own server. It was wholly unoriginal. I remember a starry background with garish text…not unlike a lot of other Geocities sites. Funny thing was, it displayed correctly on every browser out there. IE or Netscape, Mac of PC. Those were the options, and they all worked the same. Now we have HTML 4.01 - Loose, Strict, or Traditional. We have XHTML 1.0 Strict or Transitional. We have XHTML 1.1, same options. And all of them can be run with or without quirks mode turned on. We have XML namespaces and SGML specifications. We have markup validators, CSS validators, RSS validators, and don’t forget WAI and WCAG 1.0 compliance for people using text browsers or screen readers. And (you’re going to love this) even if my website is using HTML 4.01 Strict (probably the safest bet for conformity), and even if my CSS validates with no errors or warnings, that’s no guarantee that I have a good website or that my website will show up properly on all browsers. Sometimes people may think of website validation as an answer to all their problems. If it’s valid, it’ll display properly, right? Validation merely assures that there are no glaring errors, like forgetting to close a tag, misspelling a tag name, etc. Beyond that, it’s up to the developer to make sure he’s testing everything in six different browsers. Only then can he take a break and have a life.

Adoring fans, fear not that I have lost interest. Allow me to sink to a purely MySpace level and ramble about my life as if you actually cared about me personally, rather than my razor-sharp wit and enormous ego. These are listed in descending order by date.

• I finally got around to adding Jordan to my Thunderbird RSS feed list. For reasons that will probably become clear in a moment, I haven’t had time to do that until just now.
• I figured out why I’ve been hacking up my lungs for the last two weeks - bronchitis. A genetic inabilty to read M.D. handwriting means that I’m not sure if it’s real bronchitis or just the kind that doctors diagnose you with when they’re stumped. But I got medicine more powerful than I could have purchased over the counter, so that’s always cool. In related news, I’m worried about how that inhaler’s going to work - my tongue has a mind of its own and frequently mixes up life in there by blockading the rest of my mouth when singing, using spray medicines, etc. We’ll see.
• I spent the weekend at Pensacola Christian College with the quartet. Of course there are always tons of stories, including (but not limited to): the requisite medical emergency from someone in the group - this emergency can come in any form, from toilet paper to sun poisoning; absolutely crazy comebacks (Terry: “Tom, see if you can cough me up another mic cord.” Me: “I’ve been coughing up all sorts of stuff all weekend; I don’t think I’ve seen a mic cord yet, but I’ll let ya know if I do.”); and the ubiquitous hookup attempt (I found it’s possible to be stood up by someone you haven’t met. Story of my life.). Since I’ve already spoken about the dangers of toilet paper, you can rest assured that this weekend’s story involved lots and lots of sun. Did you know you can get a decent tan in Pensacola just by spending 30 minutes at the beach? Did you also know you can cook an egg on your back if you spend more than that at the beach? It’s true. Ask around.
• I reaffirmed the fact that life at BJ ends at 5:00 each night. I did this by doing precisely nothing for four hours before the Quartet left Friday night.
• I became the on-call technician for the Executive Offices of BJU. We’ll file that under “Mixed Blessings” and move on.
• I have a new home address and phone number…except I don’t know them. At least my parents told me when they moved.
• School ended.

So that’s life here. Now…the reason certain key features (like monthly stats and any actual posting) are missing: mounty’s corner is undergoing a ground-up rewrite. Yeah, I know - I’ve been promising that for a while. But now I have time to do it. I already have a design idea in mind; what’s left is getting the graphics down right and working the CSS to look right cross-browser. For you backwards folks still using 800×600, you’re not alone; as of January, one out of every five surfers browses at a resolution of 800×600. I forget this when staring at my 1600×1200 monitor. But the site will be redesigned to look correct at the lowest common resolution. Furthermore, the site will look the same on every browser; and, thanks to new technologies like AJAX, it’ll do your taxes, brush your teeth, and tell you exactly what your wife is thinking. Well, maybe not. But it should look about the same, regardless of which browser you use on your favorite platform. Before going live I’ll make sure it works under Firefox and Opera for Windows, Linux, and Mac; IE for Windows and Mac (they make a Mac version, right?); and Safari for the Mac. For WordPress authors, I think it’ll bear a striking similarity to the basic dashboard approach, with a little mounty flair. I haven’t decided if I want to change the colors or not. I must confess that I’m not artistic enough to come up with the current color scheme - that was ripped wholesale from my first host (which very few of you probably remember), Blog-City. I’m trying my hand with a new color scheme taken from this picture. So far it’s looking pretty good, with a decided bent towards a darker orange feel. Yeah Flyers. You will want to keep your eyes on the title of the page, because I’ve found some good descriptions to randomly flip through. I don’t want to give it all away, because my brain typically thinks farther ahead than my abilities run. mounty’s corner (PLEASE note the lack of capitalization - I do NOT run Mounty’s Corner. I run mounty’s corner.) Mark II should be up and running sometime in or before July. Or maybe August. Or June 2007. Ask Austin - my big plans typically take two years past my target date to actually happen.

What else? Well, there’s Frag Fest ‘06 next month. Sig still needs to design a poster for that. P.F. Chang’s recently opened up a new location in Mauldin. For the uninitiated, P.F. Chang’s is a Chinese bistro. Right off 385 & Woodruff Rd., there’s a restaurant called Lieu’s Chinese Bistro. Not half a mile away, P.F. Chang’s Chinese Bistro opened up. I can’t speak for the rest of the Five Guys (oh, and welcome, Nate Hutcheon, to the ranks of the Five Guys - Nate replaces Mark, who’s an inconsiderate jerk and abandoned the other Four Guys for his soon-to-be wife. Loser.), but I think this place outdid Lieu’s considerably. Lieu’s is a place you go for a quiet Sunday lunch. One goes to P.F. Chang’s for a loud and crazy fun Monday night dinner. I’d give them 9/10 stars. The food was fantastic - best Chicken with Almonds and Cashews I’ve had in a long time, free refills on rice, custom-made dipping sauces your waiter prepares in front of your eyes. The service was a bit slow, but you gotta forgive them - it was opening night. We showed up at 7, sat down at 8:30, got our food at 9:30, and were out of there by 10:30. But we didn’t care, because we had an awesome time. The class was 11/10 - good atmosphere (or “feng shui,” as Sig unashamedly said several times), great service. At least three times during the meal, our waiter appeared to replace the napkins under our water cups with dry napkins. The fortune cookies were not individually-wrapped abominations but were delivered open on a plate, arranged neatly in a circle. Plus, this is the only Chinese restaurant I can think of where your napkin/utensil combination included - by default - chopsticks. Really the only downside was the chopsticks - they were plastic, not bamboo. A little slippery - it was hard to grab food with them. And it was a little slow getting refills on rice. But overall, this is as close as a restaurant has come to 10/10 in my book. Definitely worth going there multiple times.

That’s about it. Well wishes, comments, and tips are appreciated.

A reader (who shall remain nameless) recently accused me of not writing anything in a while. Between graduation and being sick, things have been a bit hectic. So shut up already! Kidding, of course. I think.

Now that I’ve got that out of my system, I would like to comment on an interesting controversy in combovers. Having lost my combover a long time ago in favor of something a little more compatible with my preference of longer/curlier hair, I have since gained some perspective on the matter that I before lacked. In other words, I see with different eyes. Today our department had a meeting. I noticed one of the department managers’ hair looked a little odd. After staring at it for a few moments, I realized what was different - he parted is hair on the right and combed it to the left. I started gazing out to the rest of the department, checking out the other hair styles. Other combovers I saw were similar - combed right to left - while others were the opposite - combed left to right.

I’m just guessing here, but is the direction related to the dominant hand? I’m right-handed, as is 80% of the world’s population. And I would estimate that the statistics held true this morning - most of the parts were on the left, facing right. It would seem that guys reach across the body when combing, bringing the hair back to the dominant side. Perhaps those with parts on the right were lefties, crossing the axis and bringing the hair left, to their dominant side.

Of course it could be just preference. After all, we typically do things like we were first taught. People to whom I’ve been introduced as “Mr. So-and-So” typically stay “Mr.”, even if our relationship changes to co-worker/colleague. People to whom I’ve been introduced on a first-name basis typically stay first-name, regardless of relationship, whether boss or colleague. Maybe hair is the same way.

Maybe all this medication is just going to my head and I’m rambling. I need coffee.

Well, today’s it. All my friends are leaving me and graduating. Well, okay…not all my friends. We shared good times, like all friends; and like all friends we occasionally had our little disagreements. Life as a GA won’t be quite the same. For me, who spent this year tagging along and learning the ropes from the older GAs, I find myself moving into the position of one of the top dogs, one who will show the new GAs around, one who will influence and corrupt the next generation. Maybe.

Anyway, before I get too gushy, I wanted to list mounty’s Hall of Fame. These are the guys that I spent (or wasted) all my time with who are finally graduating, in one way or another. Guys, hats off to ya.

Peter Beninate - http://www.peterbeninate.org/
Brad Garrett - http://www.bradezone.com/blog/
Greg Graf
John MacInnis - http://www.perfectdiapason.com/ (not up yet)
Ping Ngian
Mark Rosedale - http://marknlynn.googlepages.com/home
Dave Siglin - http://www.bensfriends.com/sycamore/

Of course there are other friends graduating, but these are the ones I spent the most time with. I can’t list everyone I know, but congrats to you all the same.

Normally I hate doing things for the sake of tradition…but today I participated in one tradition I hope never dies. Every year, for the last society meeting, Z meets and has a steak cookout. This tradition was started by the great Melchizidek (or Jon Michalek, if you prefer) three or four years ago and has continued every year since. I have always been an eager participant in the cooking process. This year was no different. “Ich bin der grillmeister!” is something I frequently shout out. I had help, too - die zwei Untergrillmeisters Josh Sexton and Alden Park. Here’s to ya, boys. We cooked a lot of raw meat to all order specifications, and then we chose our prizes and cooked them with love and care not shown to the rest. After all, we were the last to eat, so no one was clamoring “I wanted a medium well and you gave me a medium! Swine!” Okay, no one said that. But we took our time and pulled off the perfect slabs of meat. I chose a moderately thick piece and grilled it to a perfect medium rare. Ah…good times.

Finished the last exams today. Now I’m fried, and that little filter that catches all my sarcasm before it escapes my mouth was gone by 3 in the afternoon, instead of 1 in the morning like usual. So I really need to hit the sack before I really tick someone off.

One question…with some background. The background is our patriotic program we’re singing for Commencement Concert in three days. One of the songs is René Clausen’s Memorial, written for the 1st anniversary of the 9-11 attacks. In there is a line taken from Psalm 22:1 [+/-] [22:1]My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning? (and later quoted by Christ on the cross) - “My God, why has thou forsaken me?” We’re singing along, and I just stopped. Okay - the terrorists carried out these attacks in the name of Allah - in the name of [g]od. So why are we, Christians who believe Allah to be not a god at all, a false god, why are we asking the true God why He’s forsaken us? Forget the obvious theological problem of comparing the attacks on the WTC to the death of Christ. Not even going there - I guess we’re not supposed to think about that and just sing the words, because we can do that because it’s not a sacred song and the words don’t matter. </sarcasm> More to the point, I think, is that in our haste to be remorseful and in our desire to remember those folks who died, we are each and every time allowing those godless men to win the day! Their attacks were as much motivated by politics as religion - only an absolute moron with an IQ of mayonnaise would deny that. So when we question God’s motives on that day, they’re winning. Their god has taken the stage from the true God.

But it’s all about the music, right? The music stirs up angst, remorse, and a general warm fuzzy feeling that may or may not be related to those three chalupas you had at Taco Bell before you came to the program. (Actually, chalupas sound pretty good right about now…) And that’s the point - to run everyone on an emotional tour of America. Well, I suppose it’s succeeded, then.

One more quote before I pack it in. “And even should the clouds of barbarism and despotism again obscure the science and liberties of Europe, this country remains to preserve and restore light and liberty to them” (emphasis mine). Who do you think said that? Sounds a lot like the current doctrine of “let’s rush in there with our military and start a war that has nothing to do with us so we can spread our brand of democracy around the world” that America seems to find itself using today, huh? Would you believe that was written more than 200 years ago? Thomas Jefferson’s the author. Seems like America has always seen herself as a country whose purpose is to enforce democracy around the world. Why? Why is it our job? Why should we spend our time and money, and why should we sacrifice our citizens just so some ungrateful nomads on the other side of the planet can risk their lives voting? Here’s another quote: “Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just.” That’s from our national anthem, folks. Read the last stanza sometime, the one that never gets sung anymore. Every time in the last 60 years that we’ve gone into some insect-infested nation for the purpose of establishing democracy, it’s been a disaster. Now, I like democracy. Nothing against it. But why does everyone in the world have to conform to our standard? Food for thought.